How To Know If You’re A Pest Control Redneck

Jeff Foxworthy is a true example of the greatness of America. Although he did not complete his college education, Foxworthy has become an huge success and a household name. He started his working life at IBM but at the urging of friends entered and won a laugh off contest and the rest is as they say, history. His wit and comedic style resinated with the everyday folk and it’s been upward ever since. His antics have also helped launch the careers of Larry The Cable Guy, Ron White and Bill Engvall. Truly an inspiration for anyone who has a desire and is willing to work hard to achieve their goals. After 30 years in comedy he is still going strong. Radio, books, comedy tours and since 2007 he’s been the star of the hit show “Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader.” His business savvy is also on display on the TV show “Shark Tank.”

Most notable of his routines were his “You might be a redneck” one liners. At one time it seemed the the whole country was reciting these quips and proudly declaring themselves, full blooded rednecks.

So I figure if he set the bar so high and since he helped blaze the trail for others, then why not me? So without further ado, here is my attempt to launch my comedic career.

Are you a pest control redneck?

If you use a can of wasp freeze to keep from getting car jacked…. you might be a pest control redneck.

If you take your wife’s turkey baster because you think it’d be a great liquid bait dispenser…you might be a pest control redneck.

If you own the complete DVD set of Billy The Exterminator… you might be a pest control redneck.

If you make your wife sit in the back seat to make room for your B&G… you might be a pest control redneck.

If you use a mouse snap trap to clip together office papers…you might be a pest control redneck.

If your bee suit is camouflaged so you can also wear it hunting…you might be a pest control redneck.

If on your honeymoon you were more interested in the ant trail on the window of your hotel suite than your new bride…you might be a pest control redneck.

If you go to more ceu classes than you need because of the free lunch…you might be a pest control redneck.

If the sticker on your Jeep says “my other vehicle is a bug truck”…you might be a pest control redneck.

If you don’t kill the roach in your own kitchen so you can study its habits…you might be a pest control redneck.

If you suddenly wake up in church and give full attention because the Reverend cites the scripture, “consider the ant thou sluggard.”…you might be a pest control redneck.

If you wear your crawl suit to a formal dinner…you might be a pest control redneck.

If your computer screen saver is any type of roach picture…you might be a pest control redneck.

If your wife gets you a bait gun for your birthday…you might be a pest control redneck.

If you put a spreader on your 4 wheeler just so you could write it off your taxes…you might be a pest control redneck.

And you really know you’re a pest control redneck, if your message on the answering machine is, “I’m either in a crawl space or an attic right now, at the tone please leave your message.” Yeah, you know it- you are a pest control redneck!

I’ll be here all week, tip your waitress.

About The Bug Doctor

Jerry Schappert is a certified pest control operator and Associate Certified Entomologist with over two and a half decades of experience from birds to termites and everything in between. He started as a route technician and worked his way up to commercial/national accounts representative. Always learning in his craft he is familiar with rural pest services and big city control techniques. Jerry has owned and operated a successful pest control company since 1993 in Ocala,Florida. While his knowledge and practical application has benefitted his community Jerry wanted to impart his wisdom on a broader scale to help many more. Pestcemetery.com was born from that idea in 2007 and has been well received. It is the goal of this site to inform you with his keen insights and safely guide you through your pest control treatment needs.
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  • Mel

    Too funny Jerry. I was on the phone reading the article to another pest controller. We both admitted being guilty of being pest controllers but not rednecks. In addition, to what you described. I have a locust displayed in frame in my living room and a scorpian entombed in glass.  Thanks for reminding me I need to buy a turkey baster.

  • Exterminatorsrock

    If you spay a spider directly 6 times, then step on it because it didn’t die fast enough…you may be a pest control redneck

    if you spend hours in an auto parts store reading labels of chrome polish to determine which one will make your B&G have the most shine…you may be a pest control redneck

    if you buy boots with small compact heels because you know coveralls will slide over them easier…you may be a pest control redneck

    if a “high crawl space” is on your list of “must haves” in your new house purchase…you may be a pest control redneck

    when all your friends get tribal flames tattooed on their arms and you get termite tubes…you may be a pest control redneck

    i am guilty of all the above

  • Exterminatorsrock

     if you can’t spell words like “spray” but have no issues with words like Eastern Subterranean Termites…i am a pest control redneck

  • Exterminatorsrock

     sorry i can’t resist…

    if your friends call you “Dale Gribble”…

    if you’ve given the name “Rusty Shackleford” when waiting for a table to open up…

    if you can successfully use the bathroom in a 1 foot high crawl space…(+10 interwebs bonus points for a number 2)

    if you have ever punched or verbally assaulted a kinked hose…

    if the inside of your sprayer is cleaner than the inside of your kitchen sink…

    if you can spin a mag light 2 full rotations in your hand with out dropping it…

    if your large screw driver handling skills make even the most elite martial artist jealous…

    if you go spelunking on your vacation…

    …you may be a pest control redneck

  • Oh my GOD!!!   Way too funny— The crawlspace manuever is priceless!!!!!!!  I have to say– I’ve perfected that one…hahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahhahaha

    Nice work!!Excellent list!!!!    

  • Hahaha– an eye dropper might work too!  I think you might at least have a distant cousin who is a redneck in your bloodline 😉

  • Exterminatorsrock

     you should have seen the confusion on our uniform guy’s face when i asked him if his crawl suits had butt flaps

  • Patrick McDonald

    Thanks Jerry. I think you started a New  Jargon for Bug Men. Yes , I can Say that I am Guilty as Charged. 
    If you spend time with your Grand Children teaching the Distinguishes Habits of Acrobat ,GHost, White Footed, Crazy,Pyramid, Pharoh, Big Headed,Carpenter, Harvester,Rover, Bi-colored, caribbean Crazy, Thief , Ant Species,,

  • Great article Jerry,  How about if you have bed bugs as pets…..you are a pest control redneck!

    Karl the BugMan
    Bed Bug Exterminator Columbus Ohio

  • Ahhhh, teaching the future redne–eheh-emm, excuse me; bug men… lol 😉

  • As a salesman, I had a mouse that I tried to get off a glue board once. I put it in my trunk till I got home and SHE not only got off–she had a litter of 5 or 6 babies…. I had some unintended ‘pets’ for a week or so. My wife wasn’t happy. 

  • Stuto1

    You might be a redneck if yer pest control rig is an El Camino!

  • So that was you behind me the other day! 😉

  • Stuto1

    I’m waiting for one of these car companies to to come out with a small economical type El Camino!

  • I saw a ‘Ford Sports Trak’ duded out for pest control just the other day. Tight fit for the rig but it seemed to work for him.

  • This article is jolly hilarious. I was just rolling with laughter from start to end. You know you are a pest control red neck when you use a roll of duct tape as an insect glue trap!

  • I think every bodies comments are actually funnier than the article– I’m still laughing.

    PS.. I love duct tape on a tree trunk (sticky side out) great for ants and caterpillars. I guess that cements me in the redneck dept. 😉

  • These are so funny! I know quite a few people who would definitely be considered pest control rednecks!

  • Dylan

    I thought of this post the other day as I made double sided tape out of glueboards… Count me in!

  • Dylan

    What was the verdict on the polish for the B&G?

  • You are here by dubbed an official “pest control redneck” as so ordered by the GCBP (Grand Council Of Bug People) Now to git your next level achievement you must spit chewing tobacco on an ant trail and charge extra for it.

  • I’ve been waiting for that too…… Min wax just doesn’t work

  • I’m thinking of having t-shirts made up.. That way we can all spot each other lol

  • Exterminatorsrock

     Diamond Brite seems to be the ticket. I had a trucker buddy of mine clue me in on it. if you wanna really make it shine, just ask any trucker that is proud of their rigs

  • Exterminatorsrock

     mothers chrome polish is a close 2nd