If You Had A Pest Control Genie What Would You Wish For

We’ve all watched the scene play out, a ship wrecked man in tattered clothes who comes upon a bottle in the sand. Thinking it’s water perhaps or something else, he picks it up, uncorks it and SHAZAAM! Out pops a genie who is so happy to be released that he or she grants the guy 3 wishes.

Now over the years there have been movies made about this kind of thing, songs, cartoons, jokes, books and even a hit TV series with a smoking hot Barbara Eden who got into all kinds of trouble trying to please her master. The theme was always the same, the genie was locked away in their bottle as some sort of punishment and thousands of years go by until someone accidently stumbles across it. Now the genie is happy to get out alright but in 98% of the stories, (I Dream Of Genie & Aladdin being the exception) they only grant three wishes. I always wondered why. In any case, the wisher had to be careful because the wishes didn’t always turn out like they thought and, the wishes were final once wished.

So I got to thinking, what if there was a pest control genie and you found him in his bottle while crawling up under a house? Of course we wouldn’t be so lucky to have Barbara Eden as our genie. More likely it would be old Otto Orkin who was banished into a chlordane bottle or Dr. Frishman tripped head long into a jug of Talstar and it was you who let them out. Of course they’d be happy to be out of their bottles but maybe a little cranky so don’t get cocky and expect too much. ( you probably just woke them from their nap)

A Bit On The Frugal Side

Unfortunately for us, pest controls always been a bit light on the paycheck side of things so I imagine our genie would be no

We tease because we love!

different. I doubt you could get a billion dollars or every account in the world or anything too extravagant. No, our genie would probably be more practical and specialize in wishes like; Your sprayer never dripping again or never being stood up, how bout a fancy inspection scope or not having to work Saturdays? I’m sure there are thousands of other wishes we could make that would fit right in with our genies capabilities. Just make sure to speak to his left side and loudly. Our genies bottle was in the crawl space of a college Frat house so the loud music kind of damaged his hearing.

With only three wishes, what exactly would you wish for?

Well I’m sure the answer is different for all of us but it’d be interesting to hear. But just like in the movies, you have to wish right here and now, no take backs and you only get three. Make em count.

About The Bug Doctor

Jerry Schappert is a certified pest control operator and Associate Certified Entomologist with over two and a half decades of experience from birds to termites and everything in between. He started as a route technician and worked his way up to commercial/national accounts representative. Always learning in his craft he is familiar with rural pest services and big city control techniques. Jerry has owned and operated a successful pest control company since 1993 in Ocala,Florida. While his knowledge and practical application has benefitted his community Jerry wanted to impart his wisdom on a broader scale to help many more. Pestcemetery.com was born from that idea in 2007 and has been well received. It is the goal of this site to inform you with his keen insights and safely guide you through your pest control treatment needs.

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  • Exterminatorsrock

    if it were a “termite” genie:

    1. A hose-less spray hose ( i’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out how to make this work for years)

    2. a spray rig designed by people that actually use them (again another one of my dreams, this one more real, like a 100 gal tank the shape of a truck tool box, and a motor that has an accessible way to change the oil twice a year)

    3.  the power to lift all crawl space houses to a minimum of 4 feet (i dont wanna get too greedy).

    if it were a pest control genie:

    1. to shrink me down to slighly above bug size with any weapon i desired at my disposal (starship trooper style)

    2. a mind controlled webster head (or if not practical, one of those iPhone controled drones with a webster head attached)

    3. the ability to talk and motivate spiders. (let’s face it, if they did there job better, PC life would be easier)

  • envirocare

    My three wishes are,

    1)Customers always pay on time.
    2)My equipment always works.
    3)My treatments never need a call back.

    Karl the BugMan
    Columbus Ohio Bed Bug Exterminator

  • Dr. Frishman called— #1. Ain’t happening, he’s a genie not a miracle worker. lolololol

  • Oh I like how you are greedily yet subtly getting more out of your genie than is allowed.. very shrewd. I aspire to match your business savvy.

    Oh & I love the hose-less gun idea. I too had an idea for years but couldn’t ever figure out.  A mask that was like gills. Put it on go swimming and breathe underwater.   Testing was a bit much…. lol

  • Stuto1

    How about low cost advertising that causes my phone to ring non stop!

  • So let it be done! and you still have 2 left, woo hoo

  • Mel

    These are the first things to come to mind.
    A safe natural product with efficacy as great as synthetics.

    False pest control information dissapears from the internet.

    Automated sales and administration.

    Every house I service has a tube in the walls system designed for dusts.

    A dog cross trained for every type of infestation.

    A coating for surfaces to which webs or wasp nests can not adhere.

  • Did you find two genie bottles?  Those are some great wishes.  I’d copyright the “Dust In The Walls’ quick before anyone gets wind of it- That’s a fabulous idea.

  • Dylan

    How about if products worked half as good as manufactures claimed…

  • I can think of quite a few products that would apply to.