Hey Bug Man! My Eyes Are Up Here

Where else but here in pestcemetery.com would you find the hard hitting, unbiased articles that tackle the truly important issues of the pest control industry? Does megatronpest.net give you this? How about the national magazines? No, there are just certain subjects that are to controversial, NOT politically correct enough and definitely way to sensitive for anyone else to even try and explore without fear of reprisals or severe ramifications–we here at pestcem headquarters, have no such inhibitions.

It starts at the front door and the tech whose in a huge hurry to catch up with his day anxiously awaits the homeowner. He shuffles back and forth as he waits and his mind is already going through the service figuring out the quickest way to get this done and get back on the road. Still waiting his eyes dart all over the front porch but concentrate on nothing and just then–simultaneously—as the front door bursts open and the smiling energetic housewife bounces out & greets him with over bubbling excitement, he sees them.

His throat quickly tightens and his stomach gets all tied up in knots as he gasps at the sight. He instinctively knows that he can’t get caught staring but he can hardly look away. With his reputation of a seasoned professional hanging in the balance, he glances toward the homemaker, forces a smile and quickly makes his way inside hoping she hadn’t noticed his indiscretion.

Our experienced vet wonders just how this could be happening but he cannot for the life of him even begin to concentrate. He
heads upstairs trying to escape her watchful gaze. He’s worked all day around other clients with no problem and done this account a hundred times before. He wonders,”why her,why now?” He hopes he can get a grip on things in the bathroom at the top of the stairs but to his dismay she is right behind him. This normally reserved lady is suddenly full of conversation and hitting him with both barrels. With a heavy laundry basket filled with folded clothes she stoops over resting the basket on the top step and continues her discussion. Still trying desperately to escape, our techs head is buried under the bathroom sink pretending to dust the voids. Her chatting goes on and on and and he knows he can’t stay hidden forever. Emerging from the cabinet our pro’s eyes are involuntarily drawn to what he now knows he can’t outrun or hide from. Larger than life and unmistakably standing out he knows he’s on the verge of being caught because he can’t keep his eyes off the spectacle. Scooping up his sprayer in a quick motion he swings it around and searches for a crack or crevice in this nicely tiled but tiny little half bath. He’s been on the job so long that up till now seemingly nothing makes this guy break out in a cold sweat. Today however, he pulls several tissues from the box on top of the toilet tank. He knows he’s gonna need them if this continues.

He manages to get through the rest of the 2nd floor as the happy home maker continues with constant chit chat. The carpeted floors muffle what would otherwise be an echoing of fast and furious footsteps. So far she hasn’t seemed to notice his blundering but he knows it’s really only a matter of time. Ever since he met her at the door our wily vet has not been able to look at anything except this distraction. With the many years he’s serviced this account she has never been so talkative and with each room
she follows him to he cannot stop staring at what is so obvious and so prominent as it stares him right in the face.

At the end of his visit our battle weary tech conceals the handful of tissues that are drenched and with the other, hands the receipt to the Mrs. All the while he pretends to fumble with his pen so as to avoid looking directly at her and possibly giving away his secret. But she, squarely facing him and still as perky as ever, holds out the check directly in front of her. As his shaky hand takes the payment she moves her hand to his shoulder. “Thanks so much for taking care of my pests,” she says as she gently pats him. By now the pressure is just too much and he can only fasten his eyes on hers for a brief second. As if he is helpless he catches himself glimpsing at what he has tried so hard to avoid but is again, right smack in front of him. This time, she catches him too. “Oh I bet those are pretty jumbo sized to someone like you,” she says as our tech doesn’t know whether to shrivel up and die or scream out loud as his head explodes. Re-assuredly she says, “Don’t worry, I saw you staring at them the whole time–they’re just little drips from your sprayer, & I cleaned up any you missed–no big deal. You’ll have to fix that once you get to your truck though won’t you?”

With that our happy homeowner closes the door and goes about her day. Our tech? He’s rifling through his tool box looking for a wrench to fix this embarrassing yet common situation. It’s usually something that doesn’t happen out of the blue. I mean, it may start very slowly but any good tech can spot a leaky sprayer and fix it before it gets out of hand right? I guess it all depends on what you put your eyes on, and….. what you keep your mind on. Hey, by the way, What was your mind on? Hopefully, on fixing that sprayer, right? 😉

About The Bug Doctor

Jerry Schappert is a certified pest control operator and Associate Certified Entomologist with over two and a half decades of experience from birds to termites and everything in between. He started as a route technician and worked his way up to commercial/national accounts representative. Always learning in his craft he is familiar with rural pest services and big city control techniques. Jerry has owned and operated a successful pest control company since 1993 in Ocala,Florida. While his knowledge and practical application has benefitted his community Jerry wanted to impart his wisdom on a broader scale to help many more. Pestcemetery.com was born from that idea in 2007 and has been well received. It is the goal of this site to inform you with his keen insights and safely guide you through your pest control treatment needs.

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  • As the consummate Professional that I am that was
    exactly what I was thinking about and in my mind’s eye exactly what I had pictured.
    You see we out here in the Pest industry are a little more wily than you think,
    aren’t we? You won’t find any of us out here that do any thinking except about
    our jobs, OK maybe a little. Thought you had us, ehhhhh – Good try.. Pest

  • One day..Pest Professional!…..One day

  • Great read, I was thinking this story came from a real life experience with a alternate ending.  But as seasoned professionals like ourselves, we would never allow that to happen.

    Karl the BugMan
    Columbus Ohio Pest Control

  • Never— of course  😉

  • Exterminatorsrock


    My counterpart, who doesnt like to spend money (on things like check valves) had the pleasure of servicing a 3 story lake house covered in webs with me.

     The out of state owner was there along with 2 carloads of friends and family. Of course, the house had giant windows for the gorgeous view. being the better man,I took the daunting task of “de-webbing” the monstrosity, leaving the gimpy B&G to my thrifty counterpart.

    He was directly between the houseful of people and the scenic view when he began vigorously pumping the sprayer. I tried not to laugh as a geyser erupted from the top of the sprayer to the delight/horror of all the on lookers, (the children thought it was awesome).  With dragnet dripping off his face he glared at me daring me to say a word.

    I just smiled inside knowing tomorrow new check valves would be on order

  • I can picture that perfectly– too funny!